Coming Clean

Friday February 5th 2010 9:00am



Since I more or less updated and filled everyone in about yesterday, I thought I would take a moment to catch people up on some of the other things that have been going on here.



I´ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The psychologist here says that it is moderate, which means that it is not severe, but also not minor. I was hesitant to post about this for a number of reasons. Not because I felt that I wouldn´t have support from family and friends, because I know that I have the most amazing family and the best friends and support group that anyone could ever ask for.

More than for those reasons, I didn´t want to post about it because there were a lot of open ends, and a lot that I just didn´t have a whole lot of information on at the time. I didn´t know what it meant as far as continuing work here in Honduras, possibly coming home for a while, or transferring to another country.

Things are somewhat more clear now, and I feel more comfortable writing about them.

I went to a psychologist here a couple of weeks ago, because I had noticed since my vacation back in the States that I was always tense when I was in Honduras. The sounds of planes, and gunshots made me jumpy, and I was frequently trying to plan escape routes in my head everytime the door knocked. In my mind, anytime I was in a new place or with new people, I needed to know what to do in the event of a gunman, or a bomb.

Global Ministries and Felix have been wonderful in working with me through this process. We are taking things one step at a time, and it looks as though the next step is to do a second evaluation with the Global Ministries psychologist that I saw before I left to come to Honduras. From there, we will take it to the next step. The next step might be returning and finishing my work here in Honduras, it might be taking a break and staying home for a month or two, or it might be a tranfer to another country, or in the words of Monty Python, it could be time for something completely different.

I had shared some of this information with very few people, but after talking with Felix this past week, I felt that I needed to share some of what has been happening by writing about it.

All that being said, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of my friends and family for being incredibly supportive. There has never been a moment when I haven´t felt the love and support reaching me here all the way from home.

The more people I meet, the more I realize how blessed I am to be a part of such an amazing family. The guidance, support, love, and reassurance that I get from my Mom and Dad, my brother, my sister, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my great grandparent, my cousins in law, all of my extended family including even the newest member, little A(de)lynn, is indescribable. My parents would always joke when I was going through school that we were rich in love, and I have never found that to be more true than when I can get together with my family.

I am also blessed to have wonderful support from friends from high school and from college. Those who have stuck with me over the years and made it out on the other side are really some of my very best friends, and I am so grateful to have them in my life.

When I got online today, and checked my facebook account, I found that my Church Camp friends decided to make it "Change your photo to Alan Dicken week" and dozens of my closest friends had their names next to various pictures of me. It may have been a goofy gesture, and a really fun way for them to say "we are thinking about you," but it meant more to me than I think they can ever know.

I am constantly amazed and overwhelmed by the Disciples of Christ, and the power and hope in the love that I have known from my church family. It is unlike anything I have known. Relationships within the DoC are formed so quickly, and still so concretely. People travel across states to visit with friends for a couple of hours. Friends keep in touch their entire lives because of the foundations of Camp Christian. Words cannot describe the experiences that I have had within the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), but those of you who have been there know the feelings. I sometimes try and imagine what my life would be like without Camp Christian, but honestly cannot do it. I´m glad that I do not know the world where I have lived without Camp. That Alan would not be the one here today. Not even close.

I´ll be sure to keep everyone updated as to what is going on with me in regards to the PTSD, and what that means for the future of my time here in Honduras. Again, I would like to express my deepest and sincerest thank you. You all mean more to me than you can know.