Worst Superbowl Party Ever

Sunday February 7th 2010 10:15pm

Where to begin?

Catching up with yesterday, I spent most of my day making the dough for the pigs in a blanket, making the pigs in a blanket, finishing up shopping for food for 12 or so people, and taking a break at the end of the day to go watch Sherlock Holmes down at Plaza.

I thought it was a good movie, somewhat predictable, but most of all I always find it humorous when you know who the bad guys are after their names are revealed. . How about Lord Coward? You guessed it.

Back to the matter at hand...

It wasn't until I got out of the movie yesterday that I realized a crucial error I had made. I had told everyone in my office that the game began at 6:30, so they should aim to be at my apartment by 6:00. This would be true if we shared the same time zone with the New York television station which we were going to watch the game on. So, I sent everyone messages and called them to make sure that they would be at my apartment around 5:00, not 6:00.

I went to church this morning mainly to remind my co workers there about the time change. I'll be honest, I don't really pay attention during the service, I just flip through my Bible and look at all of the things I have stuck in the pages. Its pretty interesting actually. I have old Hebrew quizzes, letters from camp, pictures, notes...but I digress.

Freddy asked me at church if it was ok for him to bring Yasmine. I told him that it would be fine, and was shortly met by Elmer also asking if it was okay for him to bring a plus one. I gave him the same response.

The rest of the afternoon after church, I spent trying to finish cooking everything, setting everything out, and prepping the next round of food to go into the oven after the first quarter of the game.

I was ready to go at 4:55, and was pretty proud of my timing. I was less than pleased, however, with the timing of my co workers. Freddy showed up at 6:00 with Yasmine and the two of them made three of us at the party. A little while later, Hector showed up with someone who I had never met before and they were both wearing matching shirts. If I knew them better I would have made a lot of fun of them. Right before halftime, Marisela called to let me know she was downstairs.

That made six of us, and only one of us who really felt like putting a dent in the two pizzas, 60 chicken nuggets, 60 pigs in a blanket, the scores of bags of chips, the dips, and the M&M's, let alone the vegetables. That one of us was me.

I wondered where Elmer was, because I remembered how he had made a point to come over to me and ask if he could bring his wife. Right after halftime, there was a knock at my door, and there stood Elmer with three of the most ratty looking strangers I have ever met in my life.

Edwin was the first to introduce himself as a recent US green card holder who was deported a mere two months ago for drunk driving and drug dealing. Pardon me for misleading you...when I say he was the first to introduce himself, that would imply that the other two would later introduce themselves. They did not. I still have no idea who they are. They were rather quiet. Edwin, however, made up for the both of them, as I heard all about his time in the San Francisco court and jail systems. (I felt that a joke about Alcatraz may not have been recieved well, so I failed to bring it up)

Edwin knew dozens of Mexicans, Dominicans, even some Haitians all from the US. All from jail. He let me know about his gang, his drug deals, and his wife and four beautiful children. I know what you are thinking...did you get to talk to his wife over the phone for a while? YES! YES I DID!

When the phone was passed to me, I struck up a conversation with a surprised young woman living in San Francisco with her four children, who let me know that she was waiting until they could save up enough money to either smuggle Edwin back into the US, or move the family back to Honduras.

For all of his misgivings, Edwin was a surprisingly polite houseguest. He was constantly asking permission to eat the food, to have a pepsi, to use the bathroom, if it was okay to smoke on the balcony, etc. It wasn't until I walked Edwin, Elmer and their two aloof companions outside that I was informed about the minimal amounts of cocaine that they may or may not have used at some point throughout the day. Elmer insisted that he did not partake, as he was the designated driver. Whew.

By the time that affair was concluded, the game was all but over, and I got back up to my apartment after the Saint intercepted Manning and returned it for the touchdown. Hey, I got to see the replay.

A short time later, the game ended, and everyone else cleared out pretty quickly

Though their ziplock bags were filled with mini snacks when they left, the rest of the party barely grazed through the food, and I've resolved to take in the leftovers to work tomorrow.

As I sit here typing this, I can see the football shaped cake completely untouched.

Honestly, I'm laughing right now. As the Barenaked Ladies (they are a band, grandparents) would say, Enjoy the Humor of the Situation. A funny night indeed.